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Friday, August 30, 2019
Effects of Divorce on Children Essay
A divorce is a law that ends all the legal relationship of married couple, except those that are written in the decree of divorce. Parenting arrangement, spousal support, financial obligations, payments of debts, division of property, and support of the children are the things that can be included in the divorce decree. (Divorce)            A court of law should certify a divorce because legalities are needed to dissolve a marriage. The court decides on certain matters that can lead to years of hearing, as well as to a stressful and expensive experience. (Divorce)            Studies show that 27 percent of Americans have been divorced and the term â€Å"till death do us part†is becoming less likely. 43 percent of first marriages also end up in separation within 15 years. Second marriages also have lesser chnace of survival than first marriages. It was also found out that couples who married early are less likely to survive the marriage than those who married at older age. (Divorce Doesn’t Last)            For many years, it has always been a debate of whether or not the parents should work out the relationship for the sake of the children. A lot of people stand by the fact that when a relationship starts to fall, there’s no other way but down. But is it really worth it to stay in a married life for the sake of the children? Or is it better to part ways instead of staying in a troubled relationship? According to Michael Cochrane, a lawyer specializzing in family laws, there are two reactions which the children fall into when it comes to the divorce of their paraents. The first one are the super-good children who believes that by showing a good behavior, their parents will finally be together again as a reward for them being good. The other one is the exact opposite, those that tries to get the attention of their parents by acting negatively. (Are Your Kids At Risk?)            When divorce enter into the married life, it will never be a question of whether the children will be hurt, but a question of how badly they will be hurt. (Are Your Kids At Risk)            Children of divorced couples are often affected by the conflicts that the separation brings. Their physical, moral, spiritual, and social growths are affected by this vicious phenomenon that seems to be the trend among married couples nowadays. Their value formation and moral identity suffers the most and their fear of the future starts to develop. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Fear, sadness, anger, confusion, worry, yearning, feeling of rejection, depression, conflicting loyalties, low self confidence, loneliness, high anxiety, and increased suicidal instincts are immediately felt by children upon the breakup of their parents. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Studies also show that if divorce occurs when the children are between 12 to 15 years old, their tendency is to react by attempting to speed up their growth, or to avoid growing up. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)                       A national survey among 20,000 adolescents found out that those children with divorced parents did worse than those who came from an intact family when it comes to the sense of personal control, happiness, friendship, and trust.            Boys are are also more likely to show or feel depression than girls. Substance abuse dependence, earlier involvement in sexual activities, depression and hostile behavior are more likely to follow after a divorce. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce) Childrens of divorced parents also suffer from neglect or abuse. Child abuse is related to violent crime and deliquency, and divorce is germane in the background of an abused child. Mothers and fathers who are divorced tend to remarry but it can only worsen the problem because the step-parent usually continue abusing the children. The rate of sexual abuse among daughters and step-fathers are also very high, compared with biological abuse of fathers who are in intact families. Two professors from McMasters University in Canada, Professors Martin Daly and Margo Wilson, report that young children are more likely to be killed at the hands of step-parents. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Children of divorced parents can experience varied effects. From short-term to long term, and from mild to severe. Although not all children of divorced parents experience difficulties, a lot of children are still negatively affected by the feeling of rejection. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Over a million American children suffer their parent’s divorce every year. Furthermore, children with divorced parents experienced the separation even before they reach their 18th birthday. The effects of divorce can also be a lifetime experience for the children involved. It can last from the day their parents separated, to their adulthood. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            According to recent findings, children lose their contact with their fathers and are often not close with their mothers, and have difficulties adjusting with their step families. It was also found out that boys have a harder time in emotionally adjusting than girls. Studies also showed that 20-25 percent of children with divorced parents suffer more damage compared with the 10 percent from intact families. (We’re Successful and Hurt)            Children of divorced parents suffer a great deal when it comes to their emotions. Emotional difficulties are experience by these children. Divorce leads a child in being self-destructive, therefore contributing to his poor image. Children of divorce develops very low self-esteem, anxiety, grief, and depression which can lead to an early loss of virginity, less desire to be a parent, and higher divorce rate when they enter marriage. This is now becoming a vicious cycle. Children of divorce also tend to be engage in divorce later in their adult life. Divorce also reduces the capacity of a child to be productive because of the lack of will to work. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Younger children, especially those below 5 years old, are more susceptible to emotional conflicts that occur when their parents separated. They are often associated with problems of younger children such as bedwetting. On the other hand, older children often try to look for love away from home therefore withdrawing themselves from home life. A study by Judith Wallerstein says that when divorce occurs on the parents of the children between six to eight, a huge segment of children experinece severe sadness and a constant need for encouragement in their everyday work. Anxieties for them are very high when it comes to personal commitment when they are older, especially when they enter into a maried life. Other studies suggest that college students with divorce parents have low self-confidence and low self-esteem. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Divorce can lead to increase rates of suicides and suicidal tendencies, increased risks for problems regarding health, and increased burdens when it comes to the emotional, psychiatric, and behavioral factor. The psychological stability of a lot of children can be chaotic when parents part ways. Suicide is very high on children with divorced parents. More often, these children feel alone and neglected and the only way to escape their depression is by killing themselves. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Children of divorced parents are also having problems when it comes to their social role in the society. They tend to isolate themselves from other people because of the feeling of hopelessness. They are very much concerned about the betrayal of the one they love when it comes to their romantic relationship because they fear that what happened to their parents can also happen to them. They worry about being hurt or abandoned by their partner in life. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            The parent’s divorce has a very high impact on the learning capacity and educational performance of the children as well as with their capacity to be an achiever. Educational difficulties are also experience by children who have divorced parents. They often show a slow learning capacity, and they perform poorly compared with other children. They also tend to repeat a grade level and drop out rates among these children are also very high. Divorce hinders learning by distracting the children’s way of thinking. This is because children tend to think more of the problem of their parents than that of their schooling. Because of its neghative effect on a happy home life, divorce can weaken a child’s capacity to learn. According to a study by the Kent State University in Ohio, children with divorced parents often have difficulty when it comes to studying compared with those that have a two-parent family. Cognitive scores are low for young children and math scores are badly performed to those children who do not have a father. On the other hand, there is an increase in the verbal capabilities of daughters when they are with their fathers. And even the most deterrent work on math and readin skills cannot eliminate the low performance at school among children with divorced parents. Furthermore, these children also have difficulties in relating with their peers and teachers. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Health problems are also experienced by children of divorced parents. The separation of the parents can also cause harmful physical health effects, and even worst, the length of a child’s life. A study shows that children whose parents parted ways before they reach their 21st birthday, can actually shortened the life sapn of those children by an average of four years. There is also a higher mortality rates for those children who have divorced parents than those who do not have. Another study also states that the mortality rates actually increases when the divorce occurs when a child does not yet reach his fourth birthday. Included in the health effects of of divorce during childhood are the larger increase in the rates of injury and higher asthmatic tendencies. Another study suggests that the negative effects of divorce on health did not subside even when a divorced parent remarried. Even Swedish researchers found that the differences in hospitalization rates and health risks are evident after they control for the social and family background. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            Negative eveidences of divorce is indeed observable nowadays. And such indication of the negativity of divorce should be reason enough for the Americans to speak out and voice their views regarding this issue, or else, we will continue to experinec social putrefy. Policymakers should never forget to always look at both sides of divorce and never forget to consider the welfare of the children because they are the primary victims of this social issue. Marriage education should be expanded as to help the couples to save their marriage. (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce)            The family is indeed the basic unit of the society. It is where children first gain confidence and it is their very first school. The parents are their first teachers and their siblings are their first friends. The importance of a family is indeed very significant in contributing to the ddevlopment of the society. Intact families are more likely to develop productive citizens than those with parents who are separated. Although it is safe to conclude that intact families tend to develop good better children, it doesn’t mean that children of divorced parents cannot produce productive citizens. The growth of a child depends on the upbringing of a parent, divorced, or not. How the parents handle the issue of divorce is the most imporatnt factor when it comes to the betterment of the children. In conclusion, it is trenchant to say that divorce is really rampant nowadays, but people should always keep in mind that the children are the parents’ responsibility. It is up to them to let their children feel loved no matter what the marital situation is. Respect and understanding should also be observed in order to ensure a child’s bright future. Parents should also never understimate the importance of communication with their children because it is the only way to know what they feel. Parents should explain to their children the reason why the marriage did not work out. They should help their children realize how important they are for both parents even if they parted ways. They should also make them understand that instead of using the divorce as a way to destroy one’s life, why not take it as a challenge and find better ways to improve their life even without their parents being together.            Through the institutions of our society, we must teach the people that a home, with parents never fails to show love and respect for each other is the best environment to raise happy and healthy children, and that the family is the most important institution to develop the children’s social, emotional and physical well being.   Works Cited:   (Are Your Kids At Risk?) Retrieved on June 16, 2006 from http://www.divorcemag.com/cgi-bin/show.cgi?template=article&state=CA&article=children/kidsatrisk   (A Kid’s Guide to Divorce) Retrived on June 16, 2006 from http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/home_family/divorce.html   (Divorce). Retrieved on June 16, 2006 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce (Divorce). Retrieved on June 16, 2006 from http://www.utahbar.org/bars/slcbar/html/divorce.html (Divorce Doesn’t Last). Retrieved on June 16, 2006 from  www.gallup.com/content/print.aspx?ci=11161  (Divorce. Josh McDowell’s personal notes on divorce) Retrieved on June 16, 2006 from http://www.josh.org/notes/file/Internet8-Divorce.pdf#search=’divorce’ (We’re Successful, and Hurt) Retrieved on June 16, 2006 from http://www.americanvalues.org/html/c-we_re_successful_and_hurt.shtml Â
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